Who is Parenting Who?

My interview with Monique Rutherford has led to a little of the self-inquiry she was discussing during her talk.  She expounded the importance of creating awareness around your own beliefs, perspectives and hidden patterns that emerge from your own experience of being parented.  Who hasn’t vowed that they would never say or do as our parents did and then watched in horror as those very same phrases and actions slip out like unconscious shadows from the past.  I have watched myself ranting about something that my kids have done or not done and realised that I was in fact ranting at my own fears reflected back to me like some Harry Potter mirror of horrors.  How many times have I, even with awareness, felt my body react to something I am discussing with my children because a long held childhood memory is prickling under my skin? I have to wonder if if it is my inner parent who is driving from the back seat.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents, and I always felt loved and wanted but they too were carrying shadows of how they were parented.  I am breaking the cycle and well, I don’t want to be directed by outdated notions of how I am supposed to parent or not.  I want to come from a space that is authentic and vulnerable and that offers my children a safe and trusting space.  I think to a large degree that is what I do until my buttons are pushed and then I really have to be watchful that I am responding to them, not reacting. I would like to be a ‘baby’ parent – curious, joyful, loving, trusting, accepting and honest.

I must be doing something right because both my kids are beautiful people and I do give thanks often that they are who they are.  But I have many more years ahead of being their mum and influencing their development, so if I can deepen my relationship with my inner parent then it can’t help but deepen the relationship with them.  Beside isn’t that what kids do – push your buttons so you know what parts of you need to be healed?

Monique’s interview is filled with ‘gems’.  I have mined a few and set them in my parenting crown.  There is plenty more to go around, do dig away and discover some for yourself.

Listen to the interview



12 Responses to Who is Parenting Who?

  • Lisa Wood says:

    Beautifully said…so very true. As a young girl I can remember saying to myself “Gosh I am so not going to speak to my children like that” and to my horror I can hear those words come out of my mouth. I usually try and catch myself very quickly when those times happen because I am trying to parent differently…….but gee to be young and innocent again!!


    • natalie says:

      Hi Lisa, I also am wary of the ‘my mother speak’ doing a ventriloquist act on me. But I think the main thing is to love your children and be there for them when they need you most!

  • I find parenting extremely confronting. I have a long way to go before my children have brought me up! A gorgeous photo of you and your son Natalie. xx

    • natalie says:

      I wouldn’t have it any other way Krishna. Co was about 9 then. How quickly they grow – way taller than me now!

  • Kama says:

    Parenting is not an easy task. All we have to go on is what we have learnt along the way. We can never be perfect parents and that’s ok because how would our children learn from us otherwise, and how would we learn from them. We can only do the best we can at the time. When we observe ourselves saying something we don’t like, we can reflect on it and change it next time. We learn, they learn.

  • Vanessa says:

    Wonderfully written and all so true! I believe that the most challenging and potentially rewarding relationships are parent/child, child/parent and intimate relations because these are playgrounds where our most inner patterns emerge and where we can learn so much about ourselves. We might not always want to see our shadow but it is a great opportunity when we do, with openness, curiosity and compassion!

  • It’s the deepest and greatest journey to parent, isn’t it? This is a beautiful and humble reflection, Natalie. As a mother of children who are adults, I see a mirror of who I was 20 and 25 years ago … the good and the challenging. They continue to teach me humility and that I cannot control ANYthing! It doesn’t end when they leave home. We will always be parents and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

  • Love this post lovely, and you are a wonderful parent as I have met your children 🙂 and we all fall into the trap of acting like our parents – although I like you vowed never to let that happen and I have been a very different parent than my own overall. I loved parenting, and I adore my kids, I am a natural teacher which can be a good thing and a not so good thing lol. I have found after 4 kids of my own 2 foster kids and now 5 grandkids that the trick is to choose your fights, love them lots and show it lots and to share fun, laughs and good times as often as possible to remain friends as well as parents with your children. and most of all be a parent, let them know you are to be respected and your opinions respected just as you allow them to have their own opinions and to express them as well. ooops I could go on and on.. lol

    • natalie says:

      Annie I love what you said about choosing your fights and ensuring there is mutual respect. Very important.

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