Who is Parenting Who?
My interview with Monique Rutherford has led to a little of the self-inquiry she was discussing during her talk. She expounded the importance of creating awareness around your own beliefs, perspectives and hidden patterns that emerge from your own experience of being parented. Who hasn’t vowed that they would never say or do as our parents did and then watched in horror as those very same phrases and actions slip out like unconscious shadows from the past. I have watched myself ranting about something that my kids have done or not done and realised that I was in fact ranting at my own fears reflected back to me like some Harry Potter mirror of horrors. How many times have I, even with awareness, felt my body react to something I am discussing with my children because a long held childhood memory is prickling under my skin? I have to wonder if if it is my inner parent who is driving from the back seat.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents, and I always felt loved and wanted but they too were carrying shadows of how they were parented. I am breaking the cycle and well, I don’t want to be directed by outdated notions of how I am supposed to parent or not. I want to come from a space that is authentic and vulnerable and that offers my children a safe and trusting space. I think to a large degree that is what I do until my buttons are pushed and then I really have to be watchful that I am responding to them, not reacting. I would like to be a ‘baby’ parent – curious, joyful, loving, trusting, accepting and honest.
I must be doing something right because both my kids are beautiful people and I do give thanks often that they are who they are. But I have many more years ahead of being their mum and influencing their development, so if I can deepen my relationship with my inner parent then it can’t help but deepen the relationship with them. Beside isn’t that what kids do – push your buttons so you know what parts of you need to be healed?
Monique’s interview is filled with ‘gems’. I have mined a few and set them in my parenting crown. There is plenty more to go around, do dig away and discover some for yourself.