Touting the Tantrum


Yesterday while enjoying a coffee I observed the grand performance of a three year old angelic looking little girl throw a tantrum because her older sister had done something to her sand creation that she had wanted to do independently. This was a whole body tantrum – screaming, stamping, throwing herself on the ground, crying. That frustration just moved on, up and out. Immediately Mum started ‘shhing’ her. It got me thinking about how early in life we are ‘encouraged’ to suppress our feelings because it might cause a scene or make others uncomfortable. Just how much do we lock inside our being, push down, ignore, lock in?

What if we were to be like this girl and allow our strong, overwhelming, debilitation emotions to be expressed fully and then released? I am not advocating that we throw a tantrum in the supermarket or fling abuse at the people we are frustrated/furious/saddened with or to go into full flight over every challenging emotion – but to find a safe place and time to just allow the intense feelings expression and completion.  We would then be in a more centred, connected and relaxed space to deal with the cause or lesson of that experience.  They are then not festering inside us just waiting for the unguarded crack in the Armour to vent out of.  How calm do you feel after you have had a good cry or yelled into the wind? (Of course if these forceful emotions are overwhelming you on a regular basis then seeking advice would be appropriate. I am talking about those unexpected, overpowering sensations that creep up on us and knock us for a six.)

And perhaps it doesn’t even need to be the ‘negative’ feelings that need full expression. I have had times when I feel so joyful or so loving or so peaceful that I would like to skip, sing, dance right in that moment. Sometimes I do and at other times I don’t think the lady in line behind me at the supermarket would appreciate my rendition of ‘It’s a beautiful day’. That doesn’t mean however that in the privacy of your own home you can’t let rip. Imagine filling your being and home with unbounded happiness.

I can’t help wondering if we were to allow our ‘inner child’ the freedom to express in a way that doesn’t harm ourselves or others, whether we would have fewer of the physiological symptoms of emotional stress and anxiety. Perhaps a little tantrum is just what we need. What do you think?

6 Responses to Touting the Tantrum

  • Madonna says:

    Hi Natalie,
    Obviously the full expression of our emotion is the healthiest approach, but we really do have to learn socialisations skills and I think that children need to learn to control themselves, especially in public.

    As a Personal Development Consultant, and as as someone who has experienced much trauma and had to repress it, I am very much aware of how unresolved negative memories impact on our lives.

    A tantrum might make us feel better temporarily, but it is a childish way to get our needs met.

    Whenever I feel like a tantrum is imminent, I tap (EFT) on the situation. What that does is immediately take me a place of balance while allowing full expression of my emotions. Works for me and I’m a very highly strung person.

    Look forward to reading more of your posts. Like your style.


    • natalie says:

      Hi Madonna, thank you for your comment. I agree that children need to be socialized it was more a comment on how from a young age we are often ‘educated’ not to express our emotions or at least not in a healthy way (an alternative way).

      Allowing the full expression of your emotions in private before you do anything rash or take it out on someone just may give you breathing space to be able to then approach the situation from a grounded position.

      I love ‘tapping’ it is a wonderful tool to be able to use.

  • Kama says:

    I think many of us do release those emotions when no one is around. I sometimes go for a drive to the beach and release my tears by the sea. I think you are right we do hold back and hold on to those emotions because we are taught to do so. There are healthy ways to release these emotions.

    • natalie says:

      There are many ways to allow those intense emotions to release. I think as long as we don’t lock it in and lash out others while in those emotions. Nature is a beautiful healer.

    • natalie says:

      I didn’t get to read it though I am enjoying the Genine and Ali ones enormously. I say go for it. Give yourself space, time and permission and let it flow. If you need to start yourself off grab your favourite soppy movie!

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