Regrets – we all have them. We carry them around like little pieces of coal that do a slow burn in our hearts and minds. They are laced with a subtle poison that eats away at our sense of wholeness and dreams for the future, because until we can let them go, if we ever, they anchor us in the past. Having regrets ensure that our personal power will never be at full throttle because they drain our energy like fuel from a leaky line. And they are persistent little buggers, holding on with hook like tendencies, catching us off guard and reminding us of our imperfections. Forgiving and forgetting can be a challenging process so I am sharing some ways to re-define regrets. We can take the negative energy usually associated with rambunctious regrets and turn it into something that will support you to be free.
R = Regressing into negative feelings. When we dwell in regrets we allow ourselves to regress into the negative feeling of it. Once we are reliving the feeling it can affect our mood, thoughts and actions. Does wallowing in the emotions help? Does it fix anything? Does it make you feel better? No? Then don’t go there. As soon as you start to slip back into the regret emotions, pause and….
Remind yourself. No one is making you relive those feelings associated with regret. You are the boss of your body which includes your thoughts and feelings. Decide that you will give yourself a break and focus on the feelings that support you. What is the next best feeling thought you can have? What one thought or feeling will raise your energy and vibration and move you away from the regret? Who do you want to be – someone heavy with regret or someone moving through it to better things?
E = Energizing the bad. Every time you go back and relive the experience that caused the regret you are re-energizing it. Instead of weakening the hold on you, you are strengthening it. Think of it as a bad habit that every time you repeat you cement further into your psyche. If you want to re-energize it to something better then…
Enlighten yourself. Ask “what did I learn about myself, about the situation, about the other people involved”? If I was to take this new understanding and wisdom and integrate that instead what change would it make in me and how I approach a similar situation? Don’t you think you would have done differently at the time if you had the skills or knowledge you have now? ‘Lighten up’ and energize the new growth.
G = Guilt. Even the word ‘guilt’ sounds heavy. GUILT. Can you feel that? Regrets often hold a lot of guilt. Those thoughts of ‘I should have’ create shackles around your ankles, the guilt – bars around your being. Guilt is a useless emotion. It does not serve anyone except if you are self-indulging and believe you need to be punished. Who is doing the punishing? Who is insisting that you remain in a state of guilt? If you want to release the guilt around regrets then see yourself as ….
God image – God(Spirit) understands that we are here to experience, to learn, to find our own truth and understanding. The way we do that is to be in relationship – to people, place, events, circumstances. Spirit knows we are perfect in our imperfections and that the way we find our integrity and alignment is through mistakes. Our biggest teachers are mistakes or mis-takes. The brilliant thing is we get to try again, we get to do it differently. See that you are God’s child (just like your own children) and that falling down is part of the process of growing up. Forgive yourself!!!!
R = Relinquishing power. When you re- visit regret you are in fact relinquishing your power. You are allowing the regret ‘event’ to make you feel a certain way. You are holding up your hands and saying I have no control here – I can’t help it. Your power has now slipped back into the past where it can’t assist you to create what you want in the now and in the future. So how about you…
Release yourself. Consciously draw your power back. Intend it with conviction. Draw it back to you and release yourself from the hold. In fact you can do a little ritual of cutting the ties (symbolically) to the people and circumstances that drain your power and hold you hostage. Release them and yourself in love, stand tall and walk away.
E = Ego. Regrets are very much ego based. We have them because somewhere at sometime in someway our ego has been abused, hurt, battered or we have done the same to someone else’s ego. Even sitting in the regrets is an egoic choice – paying tribute to our pride and prejudices. If we took our ego out of the equation, would we feel the same way? What if we…
Embody our higher self. If we could look at the situation from our higher self, from a high perception would it change the way we viewed it? If we look past the illusions and little self could we see the magic in what has happened? Looking from a third person perspective or even a different perspective, can open up a whole new understanding of why it occurred and the true meaning behind its creation.
T = Time wasting. What could you be doing with the time you are spending rehashing the regrets? Could not that time be better spent searching for and integrating the learning or lesson from it? Could it not be better spent learning new tools and skills so that the same event won’t happen again? Why waste time on something that can’t be changed? Why not see it as a….
Turning point. View it as the switch that changes how you do things. Embrace it as the trigger for bigger and better things to come into your life. Take it as the point in which you said ‘enough’ or ‘I will do it differently’. Turn it around so that it supports you in making decisions and creating a new version of yourself.
S = Self-recrimination (stupid, selfish, slack, silly). Otherwise known as the big stick! We all know that if we want a child to love us, to trust us, to grow into their true potential – belittling and abusing them will do the exact opposite. So why do it to yourself? Regrets arise because we believe we have done something wrong, behaved badly, made poor choices and okay maybe we did but beating ourselves up repeatedly will not make it go away or serve us in becoming better people. What you need to do instead is develop your….
Self-worth (special, sacred, strong, supported). A sense of self-worth is the greatest gift we can give a child and ourselves (as wounded children). When we have a strong sense of self-worth we automatically, consciously and consistently make choices that honour who we are. We don’t have regrets because we know on the deepest level we did the best we could with what we had. We recognise that mistakes are a part of the bigger picture and we can develop a great sense of humour around our ‘bloopers’.
Relegate the regrets to the bin. Bless them for what they have shown you and how they ‘encouraged’ you to be bigger. See the flip side to them and find your freedom.