All About Me
Wild Child and Wonderland
I have always been an earth child, drawn to stones, feathers, trees – seeking comfort in nature. I was a nudie girl and was aware very early of a sensual life around and within me. Dancing was my delight and I loved to draw and write. I was curious – especially about other people. My empathic nature meant I was always befriending stray creatures and children. It was also the reason why at 10 years old I gave up eating meat. I was a deep thinker and feeler, a seeker – I was drawn to spiritual things and in particular native american philosophy. When I look back, I realise I was always a little left of field. At times this meant I sat on the periphery but I was lucky that my friends and family accepted and loved me how I was. I was a very affectionate child, who loved deeply and whole heartedly. I was also a bit of a ratbag, rebel and yes, precocious. However I tried very hard to be a good girl and to appease people and my parents and for a long time that was okay. In the innocence of youth and in the loving acceptance of my family, I blossomed.
Hiding and Hurting
My Parent’s divorce when I was 12 was a trigger for the pendulum to swing to the opposite side and over my teen years and twenties I found myself in places, circumstances, relationships and situations that allowed me to experience the shadow side of myself. All of those preferences and aspects of myself that had brought me joy and delight now darkened and without the maturity and wisdom, skills or guidance to deal with them, it lead me to an inner place infused with shame, guilt, doubt, disgust, rebellion – an inner and outer conflict of my true self and pretend self. Outwardly I exhibited a lot of self confidence but internally there was little to no self love or worth. When I did try to let my real self through, when I dared to let myself shine, I was quickly and efficiently brought back down by those close to me. I discovered it was easier to stay in my box – that way you didn’t make people uncomfortable, you didn’t hurt as much and you could slip under the radar.
In my mid 20’s I married the perfect person to bring this to a tipping point (and even though it was painful, I will always be grateful for what I learned being with him). I was a mother, a wife and employee (Special Education Teacher). For about 10 years I lost myself completely in the roles. It kept me busy enough to ignore the heart ache and longing, the soul whispers, the promptings – until it didn’t, until I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I got hit with the proverbial hammer. I realized I was dying inside – shriveling, wilting, disappearing and I wondered how long it would take before it started manifesting physically. I teetered on the edge of depression and sought treatment for ill health and complete depletion. Living a lie is a very draining thing – I was exhausted.
The Choice and the Gifts
I realized that the only person who could change anything was me. It was my choice to stay where I was or create something different. Thus began my inner journey. One that took me into a landscape and wilderness that exposed all my fears, doubts, patterns, beliefs and ego driven desires. One that brought me to my knees often both in despair and prayer. One that took all my courage and conviction. But oh the sweetness of shedding, of rediscovering and reconnecting with who I was. I started utilizing tools and information from a life time of seeking. And in the end this is what I discovered and what brought me back to wholeness –
- Personal responsibility is the key ingredient for happiness – the choice is always mine.
- Healthy boundaries are a total necessity
- Speaking my truth, even if others won’t like it is the best policy
- Honouring myself, my needs and dreams leads me to such joy and energy. It means I can be a better person in all the roles I play.
- Being authentic and genuine is the only way to be, everything else is unsustainable.
- Having a relationship with a higher power brings balance, hope, faith, support
- Being grateful for what I have in each moment opens the way for more of what I am grateful for.
- Asking and receiving help is a gift to both people involved.
- Letting my light shine is why I am here and lights the way for others.
My life now is a delicious, divine and completely blissful outer expression of what I hold inside. I married the love of my life, my children are gorgeous human beings, I love where I live, I have opportunity and health to enjoy my ‘soul’ food (nature, art, reading, dancing, yoga, spending time with friends), I can look myself in the mirror and tell myself ‘I love you’ without hesitation, I have channeled my life’s lessons, purpose and passion into my gorgeous coaching business. I know I can handle any challenges or problems life throws at me with grace, and I am happy. Life has come full circle and I am eternally grateful. I want every woman to feel as in love with their lives as I do..
What I humbly and honestly offer you is to be a guide, support, sister to you on the journey back to wholeness – however that looks for you. Take my experience and expertise and use it to reconnect with yourself, your community and with Spirit (Source, God). This will tell you more about how we can connect and work together. I look forward to meeting you……