I went to go shopping the other day – some groceries, a new top, some fruit and vege. It wasn’t until I was half way through the grocery shop that I became aware of my habit of mindful shopping and I began to question when shopping became a strategic and time consuming exercise. Not only do I look for the best buy, but I am also reading ingredients and checking for certain symbols and words on the labels. Seriously – it has become a tactical task. I do it because I care and am concerned at what my consumer dollar is supporting. My question is, why should I have to? Is it too much to freakin ask – Continue reading “Is It Too Much To Freakin Ask….?” »
One of the many key points I picked up from interviewing Annie Clark about the Art of Eating on Sacred and Sassy Radio was that the state you are in when eating is just as important as what you eat. I thought about that and realized how many times dinner is a rushed affair or I am focusing on what I need to do later or how stupid it seems to be to spend so long preparing dinner when it is gone in about 10 minutes. The one thing we do insist on is that we all eat dinner together without tv, ipods, computers etc, one of the few times throughout the day that we are all in the one place. Why not make it as pleasant as possible, why not make it, as Annie said a ‘celebration’ – not in the party hooters, rambunctious, hectic kind of way but in the quiet acknowledgement of being together, having good food, a roof over our heads, we are all healthy kind of way?
So to encourage the harmony around eating I have put together some rituals that you may want to incorporate to embrace the Art of Eating. Continue reading “A Ritual In The Art of Eating” »
I seem to be going through a lot of reflection of the past lately. Not to rehash it or condemn myself or others but simply to view where I had traveled from and how far I have journeyed. Like most people it was the challenging times in my life that provided the motivation for my greatest growth. One of the most difficult and painful times was when I separated from my first husband, for the second time, yes second. If it wasn’t bad enough to have to go through the process once, I went back and then chose to do it all again. And of course that also meant putting my two beautiful babies through it again also. How was I to tell them? How was I to explain to them why? How was I to stop the sadness in their eyes?
Well the sadness couldn’t be stopped and there were tears all round. But to try and explain what was happening I wrote and read them a little story. I didn’t realize it at the time but I was using metaphor to help express a difficult concept. (As an NLP practitioner and life coach I now know how potent metaphor can be in assisting people to see the world from a different perspective.) We used the story a lot over the ensuing months to help them make sense of the changes. We tried to emulate the vision of the story that was planted early in the break up, sometimes successfully, sometimes not but I am delighted to say that my children did flourish, grow and blossom into gorgeous young adults.. My counsellor at the time has also used this story with other families too.
Here is what I wrote. I hope that you find meaning and hope in it too and if you are in a difficult situation then maybe tap into a little metaphor magic to guide you as well.
Once there were two plants planted in a garden. One was a cactus seed the other a palm seed. At first they didn’t look much different, even as they grew a little bigger. They grew in the garden side by side quite nicely. They even shared pollen and produced two beautiful flowers that grew along with them. Slowly though the first two plants didn’t grow so well. One plant needed things a certain way and the other plant needed it a different way. One plant needed shade and lots of water and the other needed sunshine and not so much water. The palm and the cactus tried very hard to adapt to each other’s environment, first one way and then the other, but one would always feel unhealthy and not quite right. The two flowers however grew beautifully because they were loved and sheltered by the first two plants. Eventually the cactus and palm grew tired. They both wanted to be able to grow into fabulous plants but being together in the same soil just wasn’t working at all. Finally they realized that they could still live in the same garden as each other, they could still love their flowers and be around them, they could still watch each other grow and blossom, but they would just have to live in a separate part of the garden to each other. They knew that no one was wrong, they were just different. One plant moved to a shady spot, the other moved to the sun. Although they were a little sad that they couldn’t live together, they knew that by giving each other space, they would be happier in the long run. Now they all live in the garden and share in its beauty and in each other, and all the plants are healthy and growing in their own unique way.
At a recent get-together one of topics of conversation was about how many people feel a level of stress around the Christmas period. Whether it is caused by trying to get everything done, having to spend time with relatives, financial woes or just the expectations associated with this time of year, there was definitely a ‘tenseness’ in the air in discussing this. I don’t have this experience so it was interesting for me to observe the ‘play’. Here Donna from Live It Up Coaching offers a new perspective to approaching the ‘drama’.
IS DRAMA YOUR DRUG OF CHOICE?
It is reasonably easy to identify someone with a Drug or Alcohol addiction by their behaviour or their own admitting to this problem. These are clinically diagnosed addictions and we all have some knowledge of the how and why of these terrible situations.
A far lesser recognised addiction is the addiction to DRAMA.
This is an addiction that can be just as destructive and damaging in your life, yet you may not even recognise that you suffer from it. There are several symptoms but we will discuss just a few here.
If you find yourself suffering from any of the following you may well be addicted to drama.
- An unhealthy interest in gossip about other people.
- A tendency to tell long and rambling stories of misfortune or misery.
- A consistent feeling of being a victim in your life.
- A habit of looking for the worst in a situation.
Someone who is addicted to drama will constantly use phrases like “I can’t believe they did that to me” or “Did you hear about what ……said about me” or “nobody ever cares what I think about ……”. If you are cringing just a little bit because on occasion you use this language it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re addicted to drama. If you recognise you use this language a lot you may have a problem or if you think “I never talk like that” then you may well be in denial and absolutely addicted to drama.
This addiction means that you will constantly be embroiled in problems or difficult situations in your life and as one ends another surely begins. Just as a drug addict or alcoholic started their addictions with one drink or one drug experience the Drama Addict similarly starts small. These people will often be really involved in gossip and what is happening to other people and will usually have very strong opinions that they refuse to change, even when strong evidence to the contrary is presented. The Drama Queen (or King) usually has a very healthy dose of “Self Righteousness” to go along with their addiction.
Coming into Christmas this is a time that is ripe for Drama Addictions as we bring all manners of family and friends together which normally wouldn’t socialise or hang out together, and it is also a time where being the centre of attention can be a hotly contested position. This position is one the Drama Addict needs to talk about their gossip or problems so they can feed their addiction.
Have a really close and honest look at what you talk about in your life and if it is often negativity or gossip than this could be a real issue for you.
The GREAT NEWS is there’s a very simply cure for the Drama Addiction. You just need to concentrate on the amazing things in your life that you appreciate and are grateful for and go on a strict diet of only thinking and talking about these situations. If you are struggling to think of great things start with “I am breathing” and work your way up from there. If someone around you is constantly caught in drama, all you do is change the topic and continue to do so until the conversation is happy and enjoyable. If this doesn’t work then walk away.
There will be difficult times in life and of course we will discuss these with those close to us, BUT if you are ALWAYS doing this then you are addicted.
Drama sucks the life out of you and will leave you a miserable and fairly lonely human being if you let your addiction take control.
This Christmas make it a resolution to not get into any drama and to live your life setting an example of happiness and laughter to all of those around you.
Have a great Christmas and a joyful New Year
Donna Meredith & Shaun O’Gorman
Authors bio: Donna Meredith & Shaun O’Gorman created Live It Up Coaching to give motivated clients the tools and strategies to change and improve their lives. Their own individual drive and passion for personal development started them on this journey and because of the amazing results they both achieved LIVE IT UP COACHING was born. Their passion is to share their work and inspire their clients to live a rich and fulfilling life – loving every moment and achieving astounding results with no regrets.
I watch this video and all sorts of emotions well in me. Joy, love, compassion, unity! There is also regret and just a little guilt. I wonder if I would ever push myself to those extremes purely to give my son or daughter that sense of freedom and achievement. I know in my heart I would. I would do that for them but what about myself. Would I have that much determination, dedication and devotion to something that would bring me that much sense of worth and achievement. Again my quiet voice answers ‘yes’. So the question is why aren’t I?
Why am I not doing what it is that I think would bring that sense of accomplishment and exhilaration? I have allowed ‘can’t’ to permeate my vocabulary and mindset. I can’t do this because I need the steady income, I can’t do this because what if I am not good at it, I can’t do this because I might fail, I can’t do this because who would want my services…..Can’t, Can’t, Can’t. Yeh well, I am canning the can’t. In the bin it goes.
Without ‘can’t’ the possibilities broaden. Without ‘can’t’ I feel lighter and freer. Without ‘can’t’ there is no failure just learning and adjusting. Without ‘can’t’ I am like the father in the video doing the unbelievable guided by sheer determination and love. I am absolutely positive he doesn’t even know the word can’t and look at what he does.
I invite you to join me in canning the can’t and lets rid the world of such rubbish. Just imagine………