I met my first husband when I was twenty one. At the time I remember ringing my mum and saying that I would marry this man. How I knew that after only one meeting I am not sure but something within me just knew. I wish I could say that it was a happy, healthy and long lasting relationship, but I can’t. I ‘loved’ him deeply to my own detriment. We lasted 15years before we ended it for the second and final time. Do I believe he was my soul mate? Yes I do. I learnt so much about myself in that relationship. I feel to the absolute low of lows but in clawing my way to the light again, I strengthened, grew, blossomed and formed.
When we think or hear of soul mates it is often in that ‘romantic novel’ sense of living happy ever after! But what if there are soul mates for different purposes? I had to love my first husband enough to stick around and fight for what we had. I had to believe in us enough to want to grow and evolve. I am certainly happy not to be there now but would I be who I am if I didn’t go through this experience with him. Would I have the relationship I have now without learning those lessons?
See what I have now is the ‘happy-ever-after’ kind of love. Oh my god it could not be so different. Like with my first husband, I knew without a doubt that this man was for me. It was a long, difficult and confronting journey for us to be together but it was worth it. This feels like my reward, my treasure and pleasure for doing the hard yards. If you ask me if he is my soul mate I would say joyously ‘yes’.
So does this mean we can have more than one? Do soul mates actually exist or is it our heart calling for the experience of relationship with specific people? Instead of soul mates is it soul family that we remember and resonate with? I am fascinated by what draws people together above others who have equally attractive qualities. This past weekend I attended a wedding where the bride and groom were both in their mid forties, they had never married or had children. They waited a long time to find each other. Soul mates, divine time or just poor dating skills?
We have relationships through out our lives but we all know the ones that had a deep connection or impact on us. Is it just about the learnings or is it something much more ‘ordained’? Is it both? Are they intrinsic lessons that need to be learned with a specific person or a relationship in general? Oh the mind and heart boggles!
Soul mate –
- A soulmate or soul mate is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, and/or compatibility. …
Lately there have been many blogs shared around the theme of gratitude and after listening to Amanda Gore recently, it only reinforced the positive effects that ‘being thankful’ can bring into your experience. Every day I am grateful for the amazing people who grace my life, for where I live, my work, my health – my many blessings. But as I was listening to the rain last night I began to conjure in my mind all the little things that make our everyday life spectacularly ordinary in the most amazing ways. So here is a list of my top ten small wonders of joy.
- The way my hand feels when it is resting in my husbands. How his curls around mine like his love around my heart.
- The absolute exuberance that is elicited by my dog’s tail when he sees me come home in the afternoon and how it travels up through his body like a shimmy on a dancer.
- How delicious and safe it feels to be tucked under the blankets on a soft bed when you can hear the wild weather clawing at you through the windows.
- The feel of cool, enveloping water on naked skin – like a lover’s caress and just as stimulating.
- Losing myself in the rhythm of dance, being oblivious to everything else but the way the music moves my body and soul.
- Delighting in the texture and taste of my favourite food, how it tantalizes the tastebuds and fills me with warmth and contentment all the way to my toes.
- Having my own bird choir awaken the day and ensure my breakfast is an experience of harmony with nature.
- How the smell of toast and vegemite can transport me back to pajamas, Saturday morning cartoons, and milo in a sip cup.
- That photographs capture pure gifts of moments of time that put a smile on my lips, fullness in my heart and sweetness in my soul.
- That I can look in the mirror at my reflection and honesty feel that I love the person who stares back at me. She’s a top bird you know.
The first November newsletter was titled ‘Here I Am – Self promotion Is Not A Dirty Word’. I wanted to give people permission to shout about how awesome they are and to recognize that it is something that we are required to do throughout our lives. Recently this blog came to my attention and I thought how perfectly aligned it was with the intention behind the newsletter. As I read Carrie Klassen’s letter to herself I found myself wondering what it is that I would write. Like Carrie I could quite happily and eloquently write about other people in my life in loving terms and multi-coloured descriptions but to do that for myself really got me squirming. So in the spirit of Self Promotion here is a love letter to me……
I like that you are quick to smile and quick to cry, in fact quick to let your true feelings show even if it isn’t the ‘correct’ time or place. You are ‘perspexious’ and transparent and that means that others don’t have to guess how you feel.
I like that you choose to see the good in people even when they are not being good, and they hurt you. That you believe that in their hearts they are angels. I like that you have learned to love them and still keep your boundaries intact and that learning that lesson didn’t destroy your own sense of goodness, just made it stronger.
I like that you don’t care about being naked and in fact it is a state you prefer because it feels natural to you. I like that your body has become more womanly and you are delighting in the curves – how it makes you feel substantial, not wanting your ‘peter pan’ body to return and fly away your sense of femininity.
I like that you have a wicked woman that lives inside of you that comes out to play in your sense of humour and the ‘naughty’ things you do. That she is a rag-a-muffin child in all her delicious flouting of social constraints. That she is someone that you share with those people who can appreciate her divine devilishness.
I like that you are strong in character and have built this like chambers in a bee hive. Gathering the nectar of each harsh experience and transforming it into the sweet honey that feeds your soul and the souls of those you touch.
I like the sheer pleasure and joy you find in dancing, writing, photography, reading and making love. How doing these things makes you sparkle and sigh.
I like that when you choose to love someone, you do it fiercely, protectively, expressively and totally. That loving that person grows you and you bloom a thousand times over.
I like who you are and who you are becoming….
Love Nat xx
That wasn’t as hard as I thought. Perhaps it is that I truly do love myself and can say so without ego. I would love to read your love letters or add them to Carrie’s collection.
We have all heard the ‘men are from Mars, women are from Venus’ argument. In fact it could be said that it is a wonder we get on at all we are so different in many respects. Well last night Janet McGeever spoke about something that just made a whole lot of sense to me. I think this one understanding could make such a difference to how we relate as men and women not only sexually but also on many other levels. Continue reading “Meet at the Belly Button” »